another one ...

Dalam 1 minggu 2 pasien meninggal. Both of them were girls, age below 23 years old, and died because of getting AIDS.

So it's just a matter of time whether they'll survive or not.

Sooner of later, I feel like doing something useless.

Gue jadi inget dalam sebuah perjalanan menyusuri pantai ParangKusumo, banyak jellyfish bertebaran on the way while we walked. And I didn't try to survive them because I knew no matter how they'd died anyway.

That's why I try to focus on something more worthed in the beginning like promotion and preventive care.

I really hope we don't waste life on something pointless in this life.
It's true that we've never known something worthed until we lost it.

cannot sleep -_-

nowadays we dealt with referal case from bahtera- local NGOs.
let say this girl, named H came for hospitalized 3 times in this year.
[i know this suppose to be secret, but i just can't keep it for myself !]
so bottomline she got HIV from her boyfriend, an intravenous drug user.

she came with loss of sight of her right eye, which we knew later on it caused by CMV retinitis -an opportunistic infection which happens a lot if your CD4 get below 50.
wasn't a good news at all, for her nor us.
we were doing as much as we could from medicine side, or even psychologically (that's what i thought) but seemed that H, our patient, has her own thought.

i assumed she still in denial phase. or didn't accept what has happened to her.
or maybe has something to do with whatever her personal problems, since her husband- whom she got the infection, was not being there.

anyway, she's 21 years old.
i know there's still a lot of similiar cases of HIV infected person in a very young age who desperate, loss of hope, any kinds of term describing that you just wanna end up very soon if you can. but HIV/AIDS doesn't come that way.
it comes very slowly and painful. and even if she got ARV-anti retroviral therapy- she had to manage to overcome all the side effects of the drugs.

still many young person out there who didn't know how much it will cost if you playfully of getting HIV by ... my example, multiple sex partners?

i was thinking, if i could choose any ways to spend my youth time with things that i like but won't cost that much, you know... getting as much friends doesn't harm you at all. but getting laid with them is a very different things.

deep inside H's heart, i assumed, if she could turn back the time, she would fixed all she had been done wrongly. but some things are just cannot changed.
HIV is not a temporary disease, once you get infected it will stay there as long as you lived.

then, this palliative state should have treated differently.
i would say to her,if i dare to say to her, to live her life at the fullest, enjoy her moment while she can. but no one would dare to say such things to her.
moreover, she has no capability for doing so.

in 3 words, (i'm not very good at counting i warn you) : it's too late.

i was wondering, if i do have several years (or months) left to spend in this world, what will i do?
traveling all over the world i'm sure. tell the people i love how much i love them?
i rarely saying those kinda things even to my parents...

i don't know because i've never been on that state.

just too tired for now.